Have you ever
wondered if how you yawn could affect your image
or quality of life?
If not, it's about
time you asked your self that question.
If you feel
fretful or cheated about your life so far, then
why not learn to yawn properly?
Yawning with Style
offers a comprehensive, step-by-step approach to
proper, stylish yawning.
This enlightening
piece of literature covers all aspects of
yawning-from the parts of the body involved and
how to tame and control them, recommended
training tools, and useful equipment to aid you
in your quest to yawn stylishly. Learn
never-fail techniques to impress those around
you with your new found style-or do nothing, and
join the masses in their march toward a life of
mediocrity.
Chapter
2
hapter 2: How
Yawning Affects Our Image
As mentioned in
chapter 1, the yawn is more than a bodily
function, which we will explore further in this
chapter. Most of you are probably still
wrestling with this concept, but chapter 1 also
told us to fear not; for understanding will come
in due time. You see, the yawn has a dark, ugly
side. The other mysterious aspect of yawning is
the way it affects us socially, the image
associated with the performance and exhibition
of the yawn itself. Unfortunately, little or no
thought is ever put into remedying this fact.
Let's take a look at why this is bad for all of
us.
Yawning is often
unavoidable; just as is walking, breathing, and
for some us, blinking. But we don't go about our
day stumbling around like a drunk, breathing
heavily and audibly like some semi-sedated hog,
or blinking erratically and un- simultaneously.
So why should a yawn be any different? Why
shouldn't we try to at least take a little pride
in how we look while doing it? Or maybe a better
question to ask yourself would be "What would I
think about somebody who takes their physical
obligations for granted with no concern for how
they look while performing them?" By answering
that question, you will also get your answer to
why you should keep reading (which hopefully you
have not asked yourself yet). 1f your ears are
burning with anxiety over the fact that you've
lived your whole life without knowledge of your
mistakes and their consequences, they should be.
But please, do not give up yet - salvation is
here, so look to the heavens and throw God a
wink or a "high-five," for you are blessed by
having stumbled across this tome of
knowledge.
Let's think for a
minute about how yawning affects our image -
does it help or hurt it? Assuming this is not
your second or third time reading this book
(several reads, however, are encouraged -
celebrate each read with a new copy of Yawning
with style! bought at full store price), then
most likely your yawn is affecting your image in
a negative way. Have you ever wondered how
popular you could be? Have you ever wondered how
many members of the opposite sex of your
preference you could be surrounded by? Are you
maybe wondering now if your unsightly yawning
has been doing nothing but holding you back?
What we are going to do is learn to pinpoint our
ignorant mistakes, destroy them, and rebuild
them into weapons of massive impressing power -
like a 45 magnum full of bullets that dazzle and
wow those around us, fired right into the faces
of friends, co-workers, and cashiers alike!
However, it is strongly advised NOT to publicly
yawn until this book is finished. If this is not
possible, you must keep in mind the lessons of
humility. Learn from your mistakes (methods of
self-punishment will be covered in chapter 5;
this will also be useful). Many of the "don't's"
of yawning will be pointed out in the next
chapter. Come! Take my hand and dare to venture
with me to chapter 3: what you are probably
doing wrong. A word of warning: this will be the
most emotionally trying chapter, so it is
advised to create for yourself a "safe place" or
comfort zone in which to read it. It is
important to have an emotionally reassuring
setting ready before you read chapter 3, for it
may threaten to break down the very threads of
your sanity. Once the chapter begins, there will
be no further warning. Please do not read
chapter 3 on the bus, in your cubicle, in the
bathroom stall, or anywhere but your comfort
zone. There are already enough disturbed people
"freaking out" in these places. Horrific screams
and wails of agony are never welcome in the
presence of the general public. But if by chance
you do not heed my warning and a fellow citizen
asks what troubles you so, please compose
yourself enough to tell them about Yawning with
style! and direct them to your local bookstore
(NOT a used bookstore).
